Bomb Threat 3, Explosive Boogalee?

As the bomb threat festival reaches its third week students leap for joy. One sophomore, Lewis Lau, said "I thought it was going to be a one day affair but now they have extended it to THREE WEEKS, I haven't been this excited since C++ was created." As students once again partake in the festivities, some have expressed concern. Eric Yang said "I was so excited for the upcoming math test, what if it is cancelled? How can I miss this much school and still pass the AP Bio test?" His minority opinion notwithstanding, the school district has also been concerned about students missing school. So concerned in fact that they have announced a new plan known as the SCHOOLSHIELD (Student and Community Hibernation Operation for Occupying Lethargic Synergistic Headquarters during Integral Elongated Likely Delays) initiative. While that acronym makes no sense to anyone except themselves they claim it will make schools "immensely safer." The plan calls for students to evacuate schools so that MCPS can blow the schools up. One MCPS official, Joe Shrewberry said "They can't blow them up if we do it first." Whether this plan will be successful is yet to be seen.