Asteroid Hits School, Administration Maintains Closed Lunch

An emergency started yesterday when it became apparent that asteroid CP-922 was on course to hit Blair during lunch. Students requested evacuation but the administration denied it on the grounds that it would violate the high school’s closed lunch policy. In an announcement Joe Archibaldson said “Because of the dangers of the busy streets in Blair’s vicinity we think that it would be harmful to student’s mental and physical health for them to go to our neighborhood partners across the street.” However many students disagreed, one student, Erica Wu, who had assumed the duck and cover position under a school desk said “I was really hoping that this one time I could go get some Chipotle but now I will never have that joy.” Other students who spoke on the condition of anonymity flooded across the street despite half-hearted attempts by school security to stop them. “I am getting that McDonalds or I will die trying. Come to think of it, I suppose I will die anyway.” With concern growing as the asteroid approaches, the chances of survival are becoming slimmer, MCPS said that no emergency procedures would be activated because “No suitable one was in place.” but did announce that soon a new Extraterrestrial Event Drill would soon enter schools. We also tried to reach Principal Johnson for comment but…

Editor’s Note: In a completely unfortunate incident, that was definitely very upsetting to us all here at Silver Sprinter, Justin Rosentover’s writing was terminated at this point by an asteroid impact, an event that we are definitely very sad about. A party, I mean, memorial service will be held on July 12th in the crater.