MCPS Proposes New Student “Elimination” Policy to End Truancy Crisis

The MCPS Committee of Research and Analysis for Controlling Kids (CRACK) proposed a radical new solution to the ever growing absenteeism problem in the county. The MCPS CRACK, a committee designed to come up with solutions to the district’s most pressing problems announced that “elimination” should be the new policy. “The best solutions we can come up with are those that solve multiple problems at once,” says MCPS CRACK spokesperson Judd Truckingston. “By decreasing the amount of potential school-skipping students, we can not only stop students from leaving our schools but also end school overcrowding.” The plan calls for elimination sites to be set up around schools and for new, eco-friendly deCAP machines to be implemented (see image). “It is very important that we remain green in all of our activities, reducing our carbon footprint is a top priority with us.” says Truckingston. However some students still remain skeptical about the plan. One student, Samantha Smith says that she is unsure about the program, “Students who behave poorly seem to be getting priority. My brother, Edward, has much worse grades and yet his appointment is almost 2 months before mine!” Other issues have been raised, continuing issues with the electric deCAP machine’s smell and confusion with the online appointment system have raised concerns among county officials. Assistant Deputy Superintendent for Under Secretary Affairs, Joe Schmo says that “MCPS is enacting the program too quickly and more time needs to be given to put the proper procedures and acronyms into place.” Robespierre Industries, the makers of the electric deCAP machines, refused to comment when asked but growing corruption charges may stall the program before it even starts.