Opinion: The Purple Line is the Apotheosis of School Transportation

To make real progress into the future, Montgomery Blair High School should replace all of its antiquated school buses with vastly superior, state of the art, Purple Line trains. The switch between the ancient piece of machinery and the 8th wonder of the world that is the Purple Line is a decision that would leave most, if not all, students weeping with tears of joy. The Purple Line, with its bold design choice of elegant white and royal purple, stands in contrast to the ugly yellows of the traditional school bus. To even board a Purple Line train is a wondrous experience in and of itself, but compared to the drudgery of boarding the alternative motorized gulag it is euphoric.

Whenever a person rides the Purple Line, they feel a great sense of excitement welling up in their heart, the adrenaline pumps through their veins, and they weep as the immense emotional impact of the glorious experience takes hold. And yet even as the tears run down their cheeks they can not help but shout for joy at the exhilaration that comes from even the sight of the Purple Line.

“How lucky we are”, the students will cry out, “to travel on this masterpiece of engineering every day. To compare this train to anything is a disservice to its amazing design. How could we ever have lived without it?” The answer, dear reader, is that those students never could have lived without it, for a life without a Purple Line is not a life at all. When a baby is born, it cries -- for it has not yet heard the scream of the brakes against the tracks, the rush of the air by the windows, and the sound of the delay broadcasts. In order for life to be fully complete, one must ride on the Purple Line or face the stark reality of a deep dark death.

Editor’s note: After large delays, the New Purple Lines would be expected to finish in 2200.