Bowls of Blair unite following the end of The Great Bowl War
Following the conclusion of the “Bowl War”, (Welt-Bol-Krieg) a high-level military conflict between the History Bowl, Science Bowl, and Quiz Bowl clubs, diplomacy was conducted and the Bowls came together to form the United Bowls of Blair.
On August 28th, Quizbowl member and Silver Splinter glorious leader Justin Rosentover discovered that there were no available buzzers to use for a meeting. The buzzers were found to be stolen by Science Bowl, a longtime rival of Quizbowl. The attack sparked outrage among QB members, who rallied for retaliation. The conflict escalated into larger-scale aggressions such as the October 24th water fountain incident and the bombing of the entire state of Delaware (now known as Eastern Maryland). “Casualties [of the bombing] are estimated to be about 2, because nobody lives there,” said Rosentover. History Bowl then honored its alliance with Quizbowl and declared war.
“A centuries-long rivalry would definitely have led up to this. They really had it coming,” said Yongle Xin, a Quizbowl member, after he assassinated a key Science Bowl officer. An anonymous student, who was a member of both Science Bowl and Quiz Bowl, confessed that they felt “torn between their two allegiances”. Some civilian students struggled to understand that such a violent conflict could have been sparked from “such a trivial thing”.
After the History-Quiz Bowl alliance’s destruction of Science Bowl headquarters using nuclear weaponry, Science Bowl threatened to use chemical warfare in their attacks, which would have gone against the 1925 Geneva Protocol. Civilians, victims of the carnage, and even a few members of each club felt that they had begun to go too far. A meeting was held by Joe Archbaldison, the head of Blair’s peace committee, to help the 3 Bowl Teams come to an agreement. However, this only seemed to make things worse, as witnesses saw the heads of the 3 Bowl Teams running out of the room, throwing pencils at each other. When asked about the events, Joe Archbaldison refused to say anything, but we could see the look of pure devastation in his eyes.
While the leaders initially had no desire to stop, their clubs’ members were exhausted from the constant fighting. At least 10 have died, including the victims of the Delaware bombing. They refused to continue fighting and rallied for a peace treaty to be recognized. The three successive bomb threats may or may not have been linked to this, but it is unclear. Nevertheless, the centuries-old feud had died and the United Bowls of Blair had risen. Leaders have been discussing next moves. They may be coming for your club. Watch out.
Editor’s Note: The Silver Splinter has recently submitted to the great and glorious United Bowls of Blair after we were convinced, entirely peacefully and totally not under duress, by their glorious leaders. Our content from here on will definitely not be biased in any club’s favor, certainly not our great and supremely excellent overlords, as we remain a totally independent Washington Post-Featured news site.
