The Secrets of the Universe Revealed

Sorry, but you need Silver Splinter Platinum Diamond Gold+ to view this Article

Attention Silver Splinter Reader -

We regret to inform you that you can’t view this article. We’re sure it would have been really great. There’s just one quick fix: subscribing to the Silver Splinter. All of us here at the Silver Splinter understand your desire for hard-hitting journalism, and the only way to ensure that we are able to continue doing so is by subscribing. It’s the only way to finally give your brain the treasure trove of information that happens to be locked behind this paywall. The Ye Olde Silver Splinter harkens back to the misty depths of time, even before memory (at least of some people) when the world was enclosed in darkness and the Silver Splinter provided a beam of light that remade the world. Whenever humanity has been in trouble, the Silver Splinter has been there.

We act as a barrier to the misinformation that has grown so prevalent in recent years with the spread of lie-based platforms such as The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal. When you encounter lies in your daily life, you can always turn to the Splinter for fact-based coverage of all the most important stories. Our dedication to protecting the American public is so great that we consider providing relevant, fact-checked information to be one of our greatest duties as a defender of free speech and liberty. That duty, however, has a cost, and while we seek to fulfill this sacred duty, we require your help to do so.

With a simple subscription to our Silver Splinter Platinum Diamond Gold+ tier, you too can support the exemplary journalism that is a staple of the Silver Splinter. When people lament over the fall of journalism in the modern era, you will be there to inform them about our incredible publication. You will be able to educate your friends and family with accurate, insightful information about all current events, people will cheer for you when you walk by, and you will even receive your very own custom-made Silver Splinter tote bag!* This is simply the life of a public servant. Providing us with the means to give the world highly researched and in-depth articles is an act that will be looked favorably upon by historians and admired by all for years to come. When students of the future look back and read their textbooks, when all things around you have faded to some sad footnotes at the bottom of the page, the Silver Splinter will be a bold and bright chapter heading. Statues may even be built in your honor*. You will even be able to read this article! Of course, all of this is dependent on whether you subscribe to the Silver Splinter or not. Now, the choice is yours to make. What’ll it be?

* - None of the above claims are guaranteed at the Platinum Diamond Gold+ level and will require Premium Diamond Tier 9 Ruby Emerald Platinum++ to guarantee.